The Trolls claim another victim

When you grow up as part of generation Y it’s only natural that you use social media on a daily basis. Both Facebook and Twitter have become a part of the social fabric and too not use them almost seems unheard of. But sadly there will always be a dark side to using the internet and what has happened to Charlotte Dawson is just one example. I have always had the upmost respect for Charlotte, she says what she thinks and normally doesn’t hold back, you need people like her in the world because without them society would accept the crap it’s fed and not have a voice. She stuck her neck out over the last week and called out those trolls who have been causing a campaign of hate against her and for that I thought she was extremely brave. But instead of the wave dissipating the hate turned into a tsunami and not even the strongest soul would have been able to handle it.
Despite how much I love using social media such as twitter I hate the fact that so many have fallen victim to the trolls that are spawned from it. Celebrities in particular cop the brunt of it because they are in the public eye but just like everyone else they are human and deserve the same respect as everyone else. I’ve been a victim of internet bullying in the past and at the time I wasn’t sure what to do or how to get out of the situation and in the end it very nearly cost me my life.  I tried to ignore the trolls I even at one point tried to reason with them but it made no difference they are the ones who think they have all the power and I saw no way out.
Sadly when it comes to this sort of thing there is no real solution. You can try and catch these trolls, name them and shame them but as the saying goes when you cut the head off the snake 2 more grow back in its place. There are always going to be more out there lying in wait to catch you out and it doesn’t surprise me that many celebrities ignore social media or even fan mail now for fear of hate being thrown at them.
People wonder why trolls do this, why they try and hurt others from behind their keyboard. The answer is sadly very simple, because they take pleasure in seeing someone else’s pain, they love it when they see someone all but give up and enjoy the victory of a battle that was only ever one sided. But a part of me wonders if these trolls really understand the damage that they cause, if they realise that the person reading these tweets or facebook messages is dying inside.
Charlotte my heart goes out to you, what you have had to endure is truly disgusting and I hope that you will fight back and come out stronger from this hell you have been thrown into, because you are so much better than all of them put together.

Fighting an Inner Battle

I’ve been sitting here for the last hour trying to write this. Actually no I have deleted this twice because I am unsure if I want people to see this. For anyone who has read this blog before its fairly obvious that I have had my ups and downs, mentally I am in a better headspace than I was in 2008 but it is still a battle sometimes. I’ve been dealing with depression and inner demons for as long as I can remember, there are days where I’m fine and I can be the happiest person on the planet but there are others where I feel useless and unwanted.
I heard an analogy to describe depression once and to me it certainly does fit. Depression is like a castle, inside that castle are all your hopes & dreams and your happiness for the future and the castle walls that surround them protect them from outside forces. But when those demons come at you they are almost an opposing army attacking the Castle walls trying to destroy what hope you have left. And sometimes those Castle walls crumble and break and the only thing that stops that opposing army from destroying your hope is reinforcements from the outside. In my case I’ve had those walls crumble but never destroyed completely, I had outside help when I needed it the most.
But there are nights like tonight where I sit here and those negative thoughts just creep in and float around. They don’t do anything except sit there until you are just about ready to go to bed and then attack you when you are at your most vulnerable. At that point you could say it’s a knight vs. a dragon and only one will come out on top. I get told I’m ridiculous and that I shouldn’t worry sometimes but when you have these types of thoughts you can never take what someone else says at face value. You just keep going around in circles hoping that it will all end soon enough but its only once sleep takes hold that it ever does.
You wonder if you are bothering people, if they want to talk to you or the big one would you be missed if you were not around. I guess these have hung with me simply because of the lack of confidence in who I am as a person. It’s hard for anyone to understand simply because each situation is unique for people and I guess that’s why I can say unless you have walked in my shoes you won’t understand how I feel. I don’t consider this a bad thing because it simply means I have to force myself to talk more e.g. what I’m doing now.
I know I’m not alone in this situation each person has their own battles to fight & their own castle to defend, it’s just a matter of if we can stop those walls from crumbling or not and surviving to keep our hopes & dreams alive.